"Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way...so that your prayers may not be hindered. Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing." 1 Peter 3:7-9
"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: ...a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace." - Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Hey Guys,
For the record, yes, I AM writing this because I've been in a few fights recently. People have differing opinions, values, and priorities. Because of this, fights are inevitable. I've always loved how the bible is honest enough to assume fights do occur and instead of telling us to never argue, it teaches us to be loving and humble when we do. Below are a series of habits that I found helpful on past battlefields. I do not always do them perfectly, but these are some of the targets that I aim for as I strive to live biblically. My hope is that in sharing these with you, they may serve you well in future/present conflicts.
Wisdom: I am constantly learning to pick my battles wisely, not every issue is worth fighting over. Surrender is sometimes the better option. Also, I am often tempted to foolishly point out the flaws of the person I'm fighting with (eg trust issues, etc) that I perceive to have caused the fight. In my experience, digging at the person's personal problems mid-fight always worsened the situation. It's never effective, yet I do this so often!
Patience: Silence serves better than words at times. It is often wiser to stoically take in verbal abuse as opposed to defending against every accusation in the heat of the moment. Even more importantly, I needed to learn my limits and when to temporarily pause the discussion. There are times when I've had to tell the other that I needed to stop because I was getting close to boiling point and did not want to say hurtful things that I do not mean.
Humility: During breaks between fights, I look for faults (mine not theirs). I am in a constant struggle against the tendency is to shift blame off of myself and onto others. I look for ways that I initiated or continued the conflict, for patterns of arrogance and stubbornness, and ways that I was unloving. Once that's done, I pray and bless them as scripture calls us to do.
Peace: Apologizing is an art form. To time it right, not too soon (they're still angry) and not too late (they stop caring). To be genuine. To do so without bringing up their faults but to focus entirely on my own. This may seem to give the impression of weak willed submission, but in actuality it demonstrates maturity and is generally well received and reciprocated.
Encouragement for the week: when you get into arguments, do so w/ love, humility, and reconciliation as your goals as opposed to being right.
Have a happy Thursday!
Edward
extremely ungrateful, yet adorable baby
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cSudpyEU9w
No comments:
Post a Comment