"for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7
"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.'" Romans 8:15
Hi Guys,
An uncomfortable lesson this past week through which I learnt some unpleasant things about myself. These are, of course, the very best lessons as delving into our weaknesses is really the only way we grow.
Fear is an interesting thing. It is there to warn us of real dangers, yet it can be twisted into something irrational and harmful. I must distinguish between what I'm choosing to call "general fears" and "personal fears." General fear is loosely define as what a person might experience when faced with an armed assailant, death, disease, lions, clowns, extreme height, etc. Personal fears encompass various psychological dysfunctions such as fear of rejection or fear of insignificance.
I'm no psych major, but what I seem to find in myself and from talking with various people is that personal fears usually arises from past social interactions (or lack there of) which resulted in some sort of emotional trauma. Fear becomes a means by which we cope with that pain and attempt to avoid experiencing it again. Now, what's always seemed intuitively obvious, yet was demonstrated to me this past week, was this: personal fears harm relationships.
For example, a fear of insignificance causes one to constantly evaluate his or her own worth and how it stacks against others' around them. It is small wonder that such people would constantly boast in themselves while tearing down other people's accomplishments and merits. Such a person could never offer genuine encouragement, quite the opposite. They feel threatened, rather than delighted, by other people's growth and strengths.
On a more personal note (as someone who deals with this intermittently), a fear of rejection leads a person to either push others away OR latch tightly onto them in an unhealthy emotional dependency. Any attempts to draw needed boundaries or hesitancy to interact with the fearful in the way they expect arouse suspicions of rejection - which causes them to lash out or grasp on even more tightly. People dealing with this fear have a hard time feeling secure with their relationships and are often in constant oscillation between worrying about offending others, or being inadvertently offended themselves by unsuspecting friends.
Our sinful nature would take fear, a defensive mechanism designed by God for our self preservation, and twist it into a means of controlling pain; and in doing so, hurt ourselves and those closest to us. In short, personal fears fuel various dysfunctions and insecurities that prompts us to do/say unloving things.They cause us to act selfishly when we, as Christians, are called to live selflessly. Our tendency is to hide such fears rather than face the painful task of uprooting them, yet they are the cause of so much conflicts in our lives. The dangers of such fears is that they are sin, yet are so easily disguised as personality traits and, as such, "acceptable weaknesses."
Encouragement for the week: Begin facing down your fears and deal with them. God doesn't want us to live in fear, but in courageous love. Acknowledge that they're there and that they carry very real, very negative consequences. Ask God to work on your fears with you and pray that he would break you free. Lastly, tell someone you trust about your fears and how you've allowed it to hurt others - confess it as a sin and repent of it as you should any other.
Have a happy, fearless rest of the week!
Edward
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."
- Frank Herbert, Dune.
Dad on duty..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOfy5LDpEHo&feature=relmfu
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