Hey Guys,
I've always known that one of my deepest fear is letting other people down, but it wasn't until recently that I begin to dig a bit at why that is and what the implications are. Every time it happens, particularly to people I am closest to, I am often filled with feelings of guilt and find myself apologizing repeatedly. On the surface, it seems like a rather noble fear but if I allow myself to be honest, it is actually a fear born more out of insecurities and hypersensitivity to what others think of me than out of genuine desire to serve others well. It stems from a desire to please others.
What I needed to realize is that letting other people down due to my own forgetfulness, sinfulness, and character flaws is a natural part of life. I need to understand that those closest to me are eager to forgive me and encourage me to be better; that I am my own harshest critic. There is nothing wrong with having a conscience and allowing God to convict us when we wrong others, moving us towards atonement or reparations. But excessive preoccupation with past mistakes, or maintaining a deep-set fear of disappointing others can be bad in at least three ways:
1) I am sometimes guilty of blowing small things out of proportion and caring too much about a mistake that is relatively small. Learning to distinguish between big and small issues is a mark of maturity.
2) I find myself holding unrealistically high expectations for my friends and family at times precisely because I hold those same extreme expectations to myself. So not only am I plagued with unnecessary guilt when I fail to meet those standards, I am plagued with sinful resentment or anger when they fail to meet those same standards I myself am not able to maintain.
3) There is usually some elements of idolatry in caring too much about what others think. In desiring their good opinions, not for God's sake, but for my own. If we are able to make amends, apologize with true humility, and ascribe all of this behaviour to God, how beautiful do we show him to be! Instead, holding onto feelings of guilt indicates a works-based mentality in which I assume people would only like me if I do not mess things up. This runs completely contrary to the Gospel which is a message of redemption rather than performance. Mistakes and sin is for God's glory, not our shame. For this reason, we should rejoice (and not grieve) over failures and mistakes because we learn and grow from them.
If you're the type to care too much about what others think of you, chances are you share this struggle with me to some degree or another. Encouragement for the week for when you screw up (and you undoubtedly will at some point): Apologize humbly and sincerely, once. Repent. Learn from the mistake. And do not forget to forgive yourself. Afterall, if our God is a God of grace, shouldn't we live in like manner towards each other as well as towards ourselves?
Have a happy, guilt-free Wednesday!
Edward
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
"All this from God who, through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation." 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
"Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gliHyklHr6c
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